The end of the year is here, and I’m finding in the blogging world it is a time to reflect on all of the things that has happened to you over the past 365 days.
2012, which I swore would be a good year, turned out to be neither overwhelmingly good nor bad.
- I’m ending 2012 about 20 pounds heavier than when I started, which is really a shame. I purchased several pairs of very nice dress pants and blouses last spring in preparation for my debut into the working world. I suppose they will have to wait.
- I graduated with my bachelor’s degree this year. This is one of the more positive things that has happened, as well as one of the scariest. For four years I grew accustomed to my life, moving into and out of the dorms, final exams, crazy sleep schedules. Now that I’m done I feel a bit lost. I am in the application process for graduate school and job hunting, but it doesn’t feel quite right just yet. I feel like I’m falling behind but at the same time rushing forward without a plan. So yes, I have a fancy piece of (very expensive) paper to hang above my desk now, but I await a fresh batch of anxiety-producing things to come my way. Have it on my desk by morning.
- In April my boyfriend and I started our life together under one roof. Different people have different beliefs in this regard, but I personally don’t see myself getting married until much later in life. In my mind when it comes to relationships you might as well jump in, life is short. We’ve been through our own challenges as people do when they find themselves at the mercy of another’s mess-making abilities. But after 3+ years together I find that there is little that can shake what we’ve built. Mess-making notwithstanding.
- I am seeing a new endocrinologist, who seems to have a better handle on what needs to be done. Unfortunately diving into basal/bolus insulin therapy coupled with emotional binge eating and lack of attention to my overall diet has lead to my 20 pound setback. Despite this my A1c is under 9 for the first time in a year and I’ve never felt more supported by a care team in my life. Cheers Dr. D.
- I think one of the largest struggles I’ve had this year with regard to diabetes is burnout. In 2012 I suffered from one of the longest phases of D burnout I have ever experienced since I was diagnosed. From the end of September to the beginning of December I just didn’t care. I didn’t WANT to care. I binge ate my way through two months, barely tested my blood sugar, spent much of my time napping the day away, and honestly? I wasn’t that bothered. I knew it was dangerous, but I didn’t care. My life, as I saw it, was simply not worth it. To be honest, I’m still struggling. I’ve made progress, but I’m not 100% there yet. I’m struggling with getting active, with caring enough about myself to make an effort to live well. But I’m trying, and I think I can do it, it will just take time and small steps to get there.
- I got to take a spin with the old Dexcom earlier this month. I think this sort of sparked me into at least trying to take better care of myself. It was bittersweet. The information was nice to have, but I know right now I can’t afford it permanently. I could see how high I was spiking and how low I was dropping without knowing it. I miss it, although the sensor needle in my belly itched a little.
- And I almost forgot! I discovered the Diabetes Online Community this year via Twitter. It’s completely enriched my life and changed my perspective. The weekly tweet chats and people I’ve met truly help me get through the ups and downs of diabetes. Thank you all so much! My gratitude goes much deeper than you know.
When entering a new year I think it’s important that you don’t set a list of parameters that you must change yourself to fit. The most important goal for any person in a new year is to be happy. To be content and satisfied that they are doing a good job, whatever it is they are doing. I really believe that. So this year I want to feel that I am doing my best. I want to feel that I am doing everything in my power to ensure I’m living a life with which I am fully satisfied.
Let’s do this.